Mistakes

Look At Me

Look at me.
Not at my face or my alleged beauty.
Look into the depths of who I am.
Read the funereal story that is my truth.
Can you see the ugliness and
the merciless solitude,
both taunting me like a foe?
I've been oppressed by an anchor of sadness.
I'm angry, frustrated and alone.
Discard your superficial esthetics
and observe me with your heart.
Only then will you know my pain and my potency.
My resolve and my demise.
My heart has died a hundred deaths, but still
I manage to rise.
I’m an amalgamation of contradictions
and my soul is imperfectly pure.
You’ll see all of this and so much more,
if you will only take the time to look at me,
and love me inspight of myself.

The Wilted Flower

She hates me because she hates herself.
Wretched roots produce hostile fruits.
She's a wilted flower,
With no love to maintain
Her origin and offspring are sources of pain.
She hates me and I felt the same.
Generational bondage
So hard to break free.
I hated her because she didn’t love me.
Didn't nurture me.
Didn't strengthen me.
I was a budding pierced by thorns of misery.
Anger and agony pumps through her heart
So anger and agony is what she imparts.
But I know that in order for me to bloom
I have to reject inherited gloom
She's a wilted flower but the cycle stops here.
She is my mother and I love her dear
I rebuke the sadness, self-hatred and shame.
I forgive her.
I pray that one day she'll feel the same.

My Ghetto

I need to release some frustration,
so I want you to visit my ghetto.
In the middle of the night,
come right into my hood.
This area has been neglected.
Can you do it some good?
Without question bring protection,
I don’t know where you’ve been.
But when you enter my inner city
feel free to partake like it’s yours.
You can roam through my softness,
drink from my sweet wetness.
I will purr naughty words to help you
reach your destination.
Right there!
Don’t stop!
Damn, you’re good!
It's my pleasure to show you
what you've never experienced.
We can get down and dirty if you’re feeling adventurous.
These secluded little walls have driven others delirious
as I ride or die till a quarter past four,
every bump and grind will have you begging for more.
Nosey neighbors might try to disrupt our groove
as erotic rhythms give way to animalistic screams and moves.
A heat wave might make you shake and sweat,
uncontrolably you'll come,
but we're not done yet.
My needs are intemperate.
Are you ready?
You will have to come correct.
As the sun begins to rise you might feel hung-over,
but you have an open invitation to stumble in again
when I’m alone
and need to release frustration
within my ghetto, which is now your home.

I Wish You Well

For just one moment, I wish that we could
un-end our ending.
Revisit a time when our souls were in sync,
and we danced to the rhythm of happiness
and the soothing sounds of our own heartbeats.

Those were the good times...

Our music has stopped playing,
but I’ve never stopped praying
for time and space to un-break
your spirit and my heart.
We punctured our foundation, and poured pain
into the broken places.

Still, we both deserve to be made whole.

So for just one moment I’ll dance alone
Swaying to silent melodies where memories still dwell.
As I reminisce, I lovingly release all painful recollections
and wish you well.

Fallen Angel

On a cold, winter’s morning I met a stranger name David. For some inexplicable reason,
I felt a connection to him.
The tattered clothes on his back,
the hemorrhaging bruise on his face, and a beat
up old bicycle seemed to be the only things life had allowed him to retain.
David asked me for money, he asked me for prayer. I gladly furnished both.
Then I watched as he got onto his only mode of transportation, riding off
to an unknown destination, disappearing into the grayness of the morning.
No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get his image out of my mind.
I realize now that David must have been a Fallen Angel, put in my path by God.
Sent to give me far more than I gave him.
He was a gentle reminder that in this cold, harsh land we need to help each
other and understand
that we are put here to bear each other's burdens,
and fulfill the laws of Christ.
Compassion
Kindness
Generosity
All produce reciprocity.
At some point, we will all become Fallen Angels, in need of new wings.

What have you done for someone else today?

Valentine’s Day Masquerade

Every year on 2/14 I try to piece together a convincing narrative to tell to my heart.

“It’s just another day.”
“The commercialism is ridiculous.”
“You don’t want that kind of pressure.”

But my heart wants what she wants. And who I am to judge?

She wants someone special to tell the world she’s special. She wants heart shaped boxes
filled with Godiva chocolates, bright red teddy bears, Hallmark cards, long-stemmed roses,
and romantic nights with candle lights. She wants all of her desires wrapped up in a pretty pink bow.

Instead, she has to put her big girl panties on and give Oscar winning performances to co-workers
and friends.

She has to oooh and ahhh at the heart shaped boxes
filled with Godiva chocolates, bright red teddy bears, Hallmark cards, long-stemmed roses,
and romantic nights with candle lights gifted to everyone but herself.

Are their hearts more deserving?

It’s a Valentine’s Day Masquerade and her happiness is an elaborate facade.

The truth is, she wishes she could rip off her mask and go fast asleep, not wake up until it’s the 15th.
It’s not that she’s a hater. She’s just a lonely heart, who wants what she desires…love.

“Oh well, maybe next year.”